Sorry. It’s the longest five letter word in the English language. Among the 170,000 words in the Oxford Dictionary, it also has a very unique status: Sorry is the word we most like to hear, and at the same time the word we find most difficult to say. To unlock the mystery behind the word, we have to explore regions with astronomic resolve and wonder. We have to look into the human heart.

In one sense, I don’t have to look far…6-8 inches to be exact. I know where it is, and I wear a watch that tells me how many times it beats every minute, resting or running, throughout the day. Understanding this organ should not be that difficult, right? Well, yes, except for the fact that the things in these hearts of ours can on the one hand invoke the highest heights of reverence when a fellow sojourner impresses by the most honorable and sacrificial of deeds, and in the next minute embarrass us to shame by the frailty and selfishness of another.

People of all backgrounds, every age, irrespective of race, economic condition, or religion, all face a common foe: offense. Jesus once said, “Woe to the world because of offenses!” (MT 18:7) Hearts get wounded, stepped on. It is impossible to escape being wronged. The question is not if, but when. Which leads to the next question: what? What am I going to do about it? Will I reconcile, or will I avoid? Will it be fight or flight? Will I flow or flee? Will I build a wall, or cross a bridge? The good news is that we also all have a common friend: Choice. We can choose to forgive.

Easier said than done. Forgiving can be one of the most difficult things you are called upon to do. Whether you are 8, or 80, you will experience times when people will let you down. You will be misunderstood, or neglected, or taken advantage of—guaranteed. It hurts, doesn’t it?! If you scrape your knee, you take time to put antiseptic and a band-aid on the wound to guard against infection. How much more do we need to heal the wounds on our hearts! But how? Is there a medicine that actually works for this illusive chest-dweller?

Sadly, many people go through life not realizing there is a medicine for such wounds. Their emotional wounds turn into nasty scars. The injured heart can devise personality altering defenses to avoid the pain again. Bitterness festers. Friendships can be ruined, marriages paralyzed. Office spaces, classrooms, neighborhoods become like war zones. Despite the good news that we all have the power to choose to forgive, the bad news is that it is never easy to forgive others when they have either intentionally or accidentally scandalized you. It takes courage.

Although everyone likes to be forgiven, it doesn’t mean everyone is willing to forgive. It also is no assurance that once it is offered, it is accepted. But according to psychologist and author Larry Phillip Nims, giving and receiving forgiveness are a key to physical and psychological health. Dr. Nims says: “I am convinced that unforgiveness and related attitudes of resentment and bitterness are among the deadliest dynamics in the human psyche”

While forgiveness is indispensable in all types of relationships—among neighbors, friends, classmates, or colleagues—there is no place where forgiveness needs to be practiced more than at home. Why? Because whenever an offense lingers, just being around the other person can be anything from uncomfortable to intolerable! You can change your job, or seek out other friendships, but you cannot change your family. If a passerby treats you rudely, you are not likely to lose sleep over it. But if you have a strong disagreement with one who sits across from you at the dinner table every night, you can’t simply ignore it. The closer the ties, the greater the need to learn to let go, to extend grace, and to make peace. The family that practices forgiveness is a family that can live in the present rather than sorrowfully looking over the shoulder at yesterday. The atmosphere is cleared of smoke, the closets of skeletons, and the floors of debris. Forgiveness makes a house into a home.

I have witnessed homes which were threatened by the holocaust of broken relationships restored, turning away from a spiral of despair to stand upon a rock of security and stability. Upon the tree of unforgiveness hangs the fruits of anger, revenge, insomnia, criticism, manipulation, alienation, and violence. Cut it down, quickly. Plant in its place the tree of grace whereupon the fruits of patience, kindness, gentleness, community, peace, and encouragement grow. I know it’s hard to say, but decide today to say “I forgive you”, and make “sorry” not the longest, but your favorite five-letter word.