Old Fashioned Ways

“Good, old-fashioned ways keep hearts sweet, heads sane, hands busy.”
― Louisa May Alcott

Every generation feels like theirs is better than the one before. Computers are faster, transportation is easier, TV screens are bigger, and athletes keep breaking the records of those who have gone before. But a child who discovers the gems of traditions has stumbled upon an oft hidden treasure. He may discover that playing board games with friends is more satisfying than playing a computer game by himself, or that a thousand “friends” on Facebook are not as precious as one or two good ones with whom he can share his heart and hurts. He might even discover that the things Mom and Dad used to do for entertainment really are a whole lot of fun!

My fascination with yesteryear began with one of my first memories. Our family rented an upstairs apartment from an elderly couple named Charlie and Mamie. I remember occasionally venturing down to their house for a tall glass of milk and some homemade cookies; but the thing that stands out more than anything else was sitting on Charlie’s knee and listening to him tell stories. Charlie was living history! He told tall tales of crossing the Midwest in a covered wagon, and of meeting real live “wild Indians”. So olden days were never wrapped in a dull, drab cloak for me. They were like a coat of many colors. A part of me has always wondered why everyone doesn’t feel the same!

I did not realize it at the time, but I had a well-lit path due to the beacons coming from the elderly people in my life. We frequently spent time with both my paternal and maternal grandparents (who were in fact neighbors and good friends with each other!). Sometimes we stayed with them; sometimes they stayed with us. Looking back, I now realize they resembled lighthouses in another very tangible way: they were totally free. Ships never had to pay for the services of the lighthouse; and no one has to pay a penny for the beams streaming from those in our family who have blazed many a winding trail ahead of us.

We close the doors of the past to our children to their hurt. But if we find ways to open the treasure chests of past generations to them, we will have passed on to them those things which will never rust or rot and shall never be taken from them.

PS. I once rode in the local parade with my grandfather in his black 1940 Buick.  And this Studebaker is the spitting image of my grandmother’s that we used to drive around in!

One of the best gifts we can give to our children does not come wrapped with a bow on it. This gift is not something which is only given on special occasions. You don’t even have to spend a lot of money on it. And unlike so many other gifts, it will not be put away in a closet once the novelty is worn off. It cannot be broken, get rusty, or grow mold. It needs no batteries. I speak of the gift of encouragement.

The word encouragement literally means to put courage into, to inspire with courage, and to foster confidence. As parents, simply by virtue of the kind of relationship we have with our children, we have access to the means of building strength into our sons and daughters to face difficulties and challenges. We wield a tool which can make them stand tall when others around them are sitting, an instrument which will stimulate them to overcome fears and opposition, and provide leadership to others around them.

Unfortunately, many of us have never discovered the power of encouragement. We tend to point out our children’s faults, and remind them of their failures. We do not interact with them up front, or mid-stream, but rather only at the conclusion of their efforts and projects, and then our criticism rains down like hail upon their vulnerable spirits. The wise parent recognizes that words of praise and support along the way are like the people who line the streets during a marathon, cheering for the runners and providing them with water throughout the race. Too many of us only wait at the finish line looking at our watches, unaware of the fact that we were needed along the way. When they don’t live up to expectations, or give up along the way, our disappointment reads like a neon sign saying “it’s not worth the effort, you are a failure.”

I once heard an Olympic sprinter say that he was shocked when kneeling for the finals of his race the thought which was going through his mind just before takeoff was whether or not his father was watching. Our children need our encouragement. Our encouragement emboldens them to face life’s challenges, big and small. Start today. Let your children know that you are their biggest and best supporter. Your gift will be one that will never break or rust, and will never, ever be forgotten.